My Story
Who are we and what are we capable of?
My life has been a relentless exploration of the question, “Who are we and what are we capable of?”
And at this point, I know answers that take my breath away. Who we really are is limitless universal love experiencing itself from a unique personal point of view. And we have the resources of a loving universe at our disposal to create experiences and matter through our focused intent.
Dual Perception
THE PAINFUL DUAL PERCEPTION THAT BAFFLED ME EARLY IN LIFE
I was a thoughtful, reflective child. Quiet. In hindsight, I see this was the way I coped with a form of ‘dual perception’ I didn’t understand and couldn’t smoothly navigate in daily life. Described simply, I was aware as a child, not only of what people were saying and doing but also what they were feeling and not saying.
I recall one day, for example, being at home at about age 8 or 9. My mother has a few friends over and, from my bedroom, I overhear their conversation. It sounds ordinary, meandering across family and church activities, common interests and jobs. But along with their words I also sense each woman’s underlying emotional state. As one friend speaks, I silently ask her, “Why are you explaining that recipe like it matters to you when so much of your attention is on how anxious you are right now?”
Another woman, laughing cheerfully, is bristling with repressed anger. Another feels listless and deeply sad. Yet as the conversation proceeds, these emotional states – so profoundly present for each woman – remain utterly unaddressed and unrecognized.
Later, when I walk into the room, I don’t know what to do with all of this information. It seems unkind not to acknowledge the anxiety, anger and sadness in the room. But experience has taught me that mentioning any elephants in the room is not encouraged. I don’t know what to say so I say very little.
In my early my life, I struggled to understand what people actually wanted me to respond to in what they were revealing of themselves. It took years of fumbling missteps before I’d assembled enough of a framework to navigate social situations. This meant sticking to what was on the surface unless the person spoke about any undercurrents first. Then one day, many years later, I learned why I was naturally so like this; it turns out that I am naturally attuned to human emotion because I can help people turn emotional pain into profound wisdom, deep joy and permanent peace. Often within minutes.
The painful dual perception that baffled me early in life was later replaced by a magnificent ‘upgraded’ type of dual perception, one that now guides my work and steers the transformations that I regularly witness.
The Death of my Brother
CHANGING CAREERS AND THE STRUGGLES OF HEART AND MIND.
When I left high school for university, it was as a pre-med student with plans to become a physician. Then tragedy struck in the form of my brother’s death when I was 20 years old.
Daryle was a year older than I. His young life ended in a flash on the side of a Montana highway one stormy winter night by a semi-trailer barreling down the highway. He’d been returning to our home in Calgary from a ski trip with friends when the group decided to switch drivers and stretch their legs. As Daryle stood by the side of the road, the driver of the truck blinded by swirling snow rounded the corner at full speed. He later said he simply didn’t see my brother until it was too late.
Reeling in the aftermath, I struggled to make sense of Daryle’s death and wondered, “Who are we and what happens to us when we die?” I also decided that on the day I reached the age he’d been when he died – 21 years, 159 days – I would live every future day as though it was my last. This led to a mindset of living with no regrets. For example, I immediately changed my career path, recognizing that I longer wanted to diagnose and treat medical conditions as a physician. Rather, I wanted to help those who suffering from those conditions, so I transferred to the Faculty of Nursing at the University of Calgary.
After I graduated with a Bachelor of Nursing degree, I got my first job in a psychiatric unit. This setting offered a fascinating window into the workings, and struggles, of the heart and mind.
Later, while working in a Diabetes Education Centre and Cystic Fibrosis Clinic, I worked towards a Masters degree in Adult Education. Because I was nursing a population of young people who shared a life-shortening condition, I attended many funerals. I was at least 30 before I finally attended a funeral for someone who’d died from ‘old age’.
Going Within
SEEING MY LIFE CLEARLY
In my 30’s, the shit hit the fan my intensive personal work began. On the outside, my life was ideal. I was married to a wonderful man (still am), had two healthy young children and was working my dream job as a lecturer in a Bachelor of Nursing Program at McMaster University. On the side, we were renovating a house in rural Ontario, where we still live. But the outside picture did not extend to my inner experience. I was a perfectionist relentlessly pressuring myself to achieve. I ruminated obsessively about what I’d done poorly and worried constantly about the future. I suffered frequent migraine headaches and terrible insomnia. (Years later, when I’d left all that behind, I created an audio-recording to help other insomniacs.) I still relish the satisfaction of waking up from a good night’s sleep.
A single moment in time provided a flash snapshot of seeing my life clearly and made me realize I needed to do something about my inner struggles. It was a simple moment, ordinary in every way but one; I suddenly saw clearly that I, myself, was the orchestrator of my own distress.
I was watching Nicholas and Haley play together and rather than enjoying their giggles, my mind frantically whirred with all the tasks on my to-do list. I felt resentment towards situations I perceived as making my life difficult. I felt frustration that my life would be so much better if only circumstances X, Y and Z were different. Suddenly, without warning, I had a flash of clarity. I saw my own life from two perspectives simultaneously. In addition to witnessing my life from within it, I saw myself as though from above. From this novel bird’s eye view, the details of my life looked pretty good! Sure, some things were undone and imperfect but I realized there always would be. And from that view, for the first time, I could see that the only true problem in the scene was me. That meant that if things were to get better, I was the only factor that needed to change.
The realization was at first humbling then it became thrilling. Because although I had no idea how to change, I was crystal clear for the first time, that the power to have a different experience lay, not in the circumstances or people around me, but within me.
Seeking direction, I bought a self-help book popular at the time; Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. At first, task-driven and anxious, I was unable to sit and read without ‘doing something productive’ for even five minutes.
But slowly, uncertainly I began making small, significant changes in my life. Rather than automatically filling our family calendar with engagements, I set aside time on the weekends to ‘do nothing’. This was a wildly unfamiliar and revolutionary concept to me. It seemed decadent and selfish but proved deeply nourishing. My kids and husband loved the novelty of relaxing hours spent lounging in our pyjamas.
The Art of Saying No
SMALL CHANGES STARTED TO GATHER SIGNIFICANT MOMENTUM
During those years, I also learned to say no. Previously, if someone made a request of me, my knee-jerk response was ‘of course’. Now I was learning to discern what I actually wanted. I recall an especially pivotal weekend when acquaintances asked if they could come spend an upcoming weekend with us. For the first time ever, I let two possible scenarios play out in my mind. One scenario foretold a week of self-induced stress and preparation. A week during in which the needs and wishes of my husband and children would take second-place to my perfectionist need to provide a good experience for our guests. In this scenario, I saw myself as short-tempered and exhausted. Then I considered an alternative. What if I said no and spent the weekend with my family doing nothing in particular instead? Sleeping in, house in disarray, letting the needs and wishes of my husband, children and myself take centre stage instead. The dramatic difference between the two scenarios was palpable and it was clear which one appealed more.
The idea of actually saying no was both terrifying and exhilarating as another new realization gave me reason to act. My children were watching my example and if they never saw me speak a difficult no, how would they ever one day do the same? So with knees and voice shaking, I summoned the courage to call our potential guests to decline the weekend get-together. This was a turning point.
From that decision on, small changes started to gain momentum. Within a couple of years, I was eager to share what I’d learned. I crafted a night school class called ‘How to Create a Simpler, More Meaningful Life’ which I taught at our local college.
Soon after, on an episode of Oprah, I met a woman named Cheryl Richardson who called herself a Life Coach. As Cheryl described a new book she’d written, my mouth gaped open. She was describing the very material I’d written for my night school course! I instantly recognized Life Coaching as the next step in my career path. Cheryl had studied at Coach University and in the swiftest decision of my life, I signed up for their training right away.
The Impossible is Possible
THE LAUNCH OF MY LIFE COACHING PRACTICE.
After 3 years of part-time study, I gave up my registration as a Registered Nurse and officially launched a practice as a Life Coach. The next stage of my work had begun. I had the good fortune to be hired as the Life Coach for a large insurance company, Clarica, where I was given free reign to design a multi-faceted program to assist employees with issues of work-life balance. Unclutter your Life allowed me to interact with their 8,000 employees through written Newsletters, live presentations and one-to-one private coaching sessions. The program was eventually translated into French and delivered by a colleague.
In these early days, I primarily helped people move forward in life through carefully planned action. I became perplexed however, as I started to witness a common pattern. My clients would often start moving towards a goal with great energy only to hit an invisible wall and falter. All too often they quit trying altogether. I started to wonder, “Why do so many people stop pursuing something they desperately want?” It was then I encountered the notion of ‘emotional blocks’ as the main reason we get tripped up and held back.
While having no context from which to understand this idea, I was nevertheless, deeply attracted to it. It was clear that my clients’ movement forward was thwarted, not by external barriers, but by inner ones. It was logical that if ’emotional blocks’ could be moved or dismantled, my clients would, easily and naturally, continue moving forward with their dreams. But how?
A life-changing moment occurred while I was at a workshop on dissolving emotional blocks and patterns in Phoenix Arizona. We’d done an exercise in which I’d felt a massive chunk of my own emotional landscape evaporate. Poof, gone! During the lunch break, I went for a walk outside and, when I felt around for that reliable pain , I was completely unable to locate it. That lifelong struggle I’d thought was just part of my personality was utterly and completely gone. It had always been there until, in a single exercise that took only minutes, I’d lifted it away! The magnitude of what I’d discovered hit me with full force.
If a lifelong inner struggle of my own could release like that and I had done it myself, that meant it could ALL go! Every last bit of emotional baggage, limitation and pain. And if I could learn to do this, anyone could.
This meant that there was no longer any such thing as being scarred for life. No matter what has happened to us, we can become as free of its negative impact AS IF IT HAD NEVER OCCURRED. This could transform every aspect of life; parenting, education, counselling and so on. I literally started to jump for joy as I walked down the sidewalk. Ever since that moment, I have been on fire to free myself of everything that ever held me back in life and to help anyone interested to do the same.
Bridging the Worlds
ENCOUNTERING THE WORK OF ABRAHAM-HICKS
At the same time, a coach I’d hired introduced me to a channelled body of work by Abraham-Hicks, something well outside my ‘reasonable person’ comfort zone. And yet, despite the weirdness of it all, I found the teachings spot on; they clarified the link between our inner emotional world and the outer world and explained how to navigate this relationship. I kept my interest in these teachings hidden even while intuitively recognizing the truth that we have an innate ability to use our emotions to tug on the strings that shift the details of our lives and our universe.
Development of the In Deeper Process
DEEP PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION AND A FRESH NEW UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN EMOTIONS.
I spent the next 20 years familiarizing myself with the structure of the human emotional landscape. I consciously dissolved many emotional patterns (my clients and my own) and refined my practice with each one. I was learning how to heal the emotional bruises created by life and to restore peace and wellbeing where distress had been. I discovered the common challenges encountered by people newly- learning to dissolve negative emotions and finessed a sequence of 5 easy steps that allowed them to bypass the road blocks. The results I was seeing with clients got better and faster over time. Many times, emotional changes were followed by changes in the person’s physical health and external circumstances as well. I was learning about the unified nature of the quantum field, although I had no understanding of this at the time.
After years of doing this work, I had a comfortable grasp of the human emotional landscape and its relationship to the outer world. I knew how to alter both aspects and could guide others to do the same. I eventually named my signature process 'the In Deeper Process' (also called the Five Easy Steps) This process distills the principles of quantum physics into a simple, organic practice that allows a person to gain mastery over their emotions and their life. I decided to pursue a PhD to study the science and test the In Deeper Process through formal research.
An Upgraded Dual Perception
THE MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE AND LIFE AFTER DEATH
Two mystical experiences helped me make quantum leaps along the way. One occurred during a funeral for a friend’s mom. This experience permanently changed the way I perceive people. It left me with an upgraded dual perception which remains present in every coaching session and class I offer to this day.
Being scientifically focussed, I’d never had anything bordering on a mystical experience. At at the funeral, however, while sitting in the church pew, I was suddenly able to perceive the deceased woman on two levels at the same time. The first perception – everyday human consciousness – was my memory of her as the woman I’d known, the woman whose body was lying in the casket. The second, brand new perception was decidedly not everyday consciousness! I was newly-aware of her now as the magnificent being she also was. The being she had actually always been behind the scenes of her small, limited human form. Her presence filling the room with qualities vastly expanded beyond her human self. She radiated majesty, compassion, boundless wisdom and unconditional love. She interacted with me effortlessly through complete blocks of integrated thought and emotion. She conveyed comprehension of me and everyone in the room far beyond what words could express. For the half hour I witnessed her, I witnessed that we are not even fundamentally human, we are divine. And he best way to convey the difference in words might be to say that if the human aspect of you could witness who you really are, you would fall to your knees and weep at the beauty of yourself.
As I marinated in her presence, without realizing it at the time, I was receiving a lasting gift; I left the funeral with the capacity to sense any person on the same two levels even as go about living our regular, human lives.
This means that in my work with people, I simultaneously perceive the part of them that is human AND the part that exists beyond the familiar limitations of human experience. This even-more-real persona is always at peace, always in joy, never concerned, sad, fearful or confused. This part is unfathomably wise and unshakeably clear that all is always well. This part feels deep compassion, appreciation, love and humour for all aspects of the human experience.
As this dual perception settled in as my new norm, my sessions became about one simple thing: helping my clients move from their limited human perception of a painful situation to the clear, wise, peaceful perception of their ‘higher’ self. The most effective way for this to happen was, surprise surprise, to help the person dissolve any emotional block or discord they were feeling in the moment. With the emotional limitation of experience and perception gone, a person automatically perceives the same situation from the view of their higher expanded self. Peace and wellbeing replace the distress and wise insight replace their struggle. It happens every time.
The Art of Trauma
NO SUCH THING AS ‘SCARRED FOR LIFE’
Two clients provide compelling evidence of the transformative effect of this work. Both were women had survived unspeakable sexual abuse as children. Unknown to each other, they shared a common intention – to become as free of the negative effects of the abuse as if it had never occurred. Over a couple of years of regular sessions, each woman released the layers of emotional and physical residue from the trauma. And eventually, each realized their goal.
The results I witnessed with these two courageous women taught me that there is no such thing as being scarred for life. No matter what has happened to us, we have the capacity within us to heal from it. We can assume the perspective of our wiser, expanded selves on even the subjects of most pain to us. No matter what has happened to us, it is never bigger than we are; WE are bigger than it. This is a fact, not only metaphorically but also, as I later came to discover, literally.
Quantum Physics and Emotional Blocks
A SECOND MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE YIELDED THE SECOND KEY PIECE.
My second, beyond-ordinary perception, occurred at a coaching conference during a partnering exercise. A stranger and I were instructed to face each other with gazes locked. Every time we felt uncomfortable, we were to keep our eyes on each other and continue ‘opening up’. After a short while, I was shocked to witness something indescribable occur. To my great astonishment, I suddenly realized that, it the stranger was no longer looking back at me. Instead the person looking back at me through my partner’s eyes was… myself! In a flash, I understood that, truly, there is only one of us here. I saw that when we judge another, we are truly judging an aspect of ourselves! This realization also left me with the ability to feel naturally comfortable and connected to everyone I meet as I know everyone feels the same things I do.
Later, these experiences were solidified into scientific understanding through the intensive study of quantum physics I undertook for my PhD in Integrative Medicine. I learned about the quantum physics that explains the architecture of our emotional blocks and the physics through which we resolve them. When viewed through the lens of physics, uncomfortable emotions are distortions in the quantum field. We each feel them as ‘our’ emotions but in reality they exist within the unified field and are not personal. This detail was a fun one I started to test by offering remote sessions that address clients’ inner conflicts by working within my own consciousness.
Beyond our Limits
EXPERIMENTS IN CONSCIOUSNESS THAT CHALLENGE LIMITED IDEAS OF WHAT IS POSSIBLE.
With these fundamental pieces in place, I was eager to experiment and play. I began an online community called The Consciousness Playground where I dreamed up experiments to demonstrate what I knew. I created online programs for people to show themselves that what they really are is the entire universe experiencing itself from their unique point of view. And to discover that the universe would respond to them when they knew how.
For these experiments, I chose topics of popular interest and subjects we believe cannot be influence through intention… if at all. For example, I experimented with stepping beyond our agreements about aging. I created a Youthening Program which allowed a person to test, through their own evaluative measures, whether they had actually grown younger rather than older over the 6 month program. (The results were so compelling that, for years, the program came with a money-back guarantee. Only one person ever requested a refund.)
A generous client paid for me to attend an Organ Regeneration Workshop in Thailand run by group from Russian who had reportedly mastered the ability to regrow tissue, organs and limbs. (Experience my version of it here). While there, I met an Australian healer, Ken Graydon, with whom I shared a similar interest and sense of humor. We paired up to offer Remote Healing Sessions that spanned the globe. We still offer these session now and they commonly yield jaw-dropping results.
Ken and I also paired with two other pioneers of consciousness to offer an experiment testing whether one could receive a sum of money through focused intention and resonance rather than action. (The $3000 Experiment). The results were so positive and the experience so fun that we offered a second team experiment; this one to relieve pain through consciousness alone (the Pain Experiment). Those experiments remained accessible for no cost online but are no longer available.
Expanding my own Limits
RESHAPING PHYSICAL FLESH THROUGH FOCUSED CONSCIOUSNESS
By this point, my understanding of the effects of unconflicted, focused consciousness knew no bounds. I took another quantum leap when I encountered the work of Dr. Joseph Pierce (JP) Farrell. In his book Manifesting Michelangelo, JP, who is known as the Sacred Surgeon, tells the story of how he was gifted the ability to shape human flesh – such as facial features – by focusing his gaze with intent. His paradigm-shifting story is supported by extensive medically-confirmed data. JP’s work offers undeniable proof that physical reality and our very appearance is responsive to our intentions when we learn to harness innate abilities that most of us can barely fathom.
Focussed Consciousness and Emotional Resonance
STARTING MY PHD AND THE BIG BRAIN CHANGE PROGRAM.
Drawing upon years of results with clients and buoyed by Dr. Farrell’s example, I decided to formally assemble and test the science underlying these phenomenon. I embarked upon a PhD in Integrative Medicine and designed a research study to test whether people could use the In Deeper Process to achieve specific self-selected goals through focussed consciousness and emotional resonance rather than through action.
The study drew heavily from a Unified Field theory developed by Nassim Haramein. This theory offered testable ways for navigating towards a desirable result using the quirky structure of our universe by relating to it as wave (emotion) rather than particle (matter). I created an online program that applied the key concepts and guided 50 study subjects through the material over a 6 month period. The results reported by participants were both highly significant and deeply satisfying. Study participants reported a 91% satisfaction rate with the final outcome they’d achieved. My dissertation, “Intentions Can be Met Through Focused Consciousness Alone; Evidence we can realize our goals by interacting with them as waves in the unified field” provides evidence that we can use emotional intelligence to achieve goals even without action. You can still take the program yourself as The Manifesting Experiment available in My Store.
To master Presence is to master Everything
I’ve spent the past many years mapping the human emotional landscape and refining how to consciously influence and shape it. I know how our inner life is out-pictured as experiences and also as the world around us. I understand the science explaining why we are unlimited and how to access the benevolent resources that are at our disposal. I know how to consciously dissolve the emotional blocks that suggest we are separate and alone and I can guide others to do this. For both beginners and seasoned pros, the key has turned out to be very, very simple. We harness the forces of nature when we become consciously present to the fullness of whatever we are experiencing emotionally in any moment. If you have ever wondered if you are ‘enough’, here’s what I know for sure. Your presence, when focused and unconflicted, is the most powerful force in the universe.
In summary, I’ve been a seeker, a student, an academic and a thinker of big thoughts. I’ve recorded my discoveries into immersive online programs and summarized them academically in the 185-page PhD dissertation I wrote. These all remain available for you to explore at your own pace should you wish.
At this point, my practice makes this extremely simple, personal and in-the-moment. You don’t need to have an intellectual understanding of any of this because all the laws of physics come into play, seamlessly in the background, when we become fully present. To master presence is to master everything. If you are enthused to find this out for yourself and if I strike you as someone you’d like to learn with for awhile, check out my services and programs. I’d be honoured to be by your side as you discover more the beauty and power of yourself.
Side note: This story explains my experience through a particular lens. My life, like your own life, is rounded out in other ways. I’m happily married to a kind, fun-loving pharmacist named Dwayne who also happens to also be a good cook. Together we have raised two children, Nicholas and Haley, now in their 20’s and finding their own directions in life.
Like you, I have side interests; I’m a lifelong student of interior design and recently renovated a little house nicknamed The Oyster which I am very proud of because it was hard.
Also like you, I have a family and social circle with wide-ranging personalities and interests; some of them find my work as head-scratching as yours would be likely to.